A Friend Needs Some Advice About Choosing a Wife

[written by my husband Jim]

Wow, you've got a couple of great options! I don't think you can go wrong either way. You're probably thinking too hard about it!

There are so many ways you can look at it, so many factors to consider. People and relationships are so complex, it can lead to analysis paralysis.

I wouldn't put too much emphasis on similarity in personality. The older I get (20 years married this year!) the more I realize the Lord's primary purpose for marriage, as in all of life, is to make us more like Jesus. Often, that comes through differences with your spouse. You learn to live with the weaknesses because you treasure the strengths so much. You learn to see God's shaping in them instead of trying to shape them to how you want them to be. Don't look for a partner in your work of serving Jesus so much as for a partner in your journey of growing more in love with Jesus.

I'd say it's much more important to know yourself and know what you need to balance you out instead of finding similarities. I think that's why a LONG time ago I said I would see a happy, upbeat person being a good mate for you because you can be so steady and analytical. Who is going to complement you more, to make you more complete together than you could be individually?

When all is said and done, I'd pray about it and ask which of these two tresures you simply like more! Often your feelings are a good indicator of what your brain hasn't figured out yet. PRAY and don't stall too much and don't second guess yourself.

Please don't interview them! They're not applying for a job as your spouse! Play with them, have fun, become friends, have deep talks, court them, romance them! See where the sparks fly! Look for the feelings bro! Your head can only get you so far. Who will love you and encourage you and be your friend through thick and thin? BUT be careful not to mislead them. Be honest with them, but be sensitive in your honesty. Respect them.

I don't know if this will be helpful for you or them, but I will pray for you.

Father, thank you for your grace and goodness to us in so many ways. Thank you for _____, for the person you have made him and your purposes for his life. Lord, I pray he would keep growing in ability to receive your grace and pass it on to others. If it's your will for him to get married, I pray you would clearly lead him to the right person. Show him what she could do in his life and what he could do in her life. Lord, please encourage him along the way, remind him how much you delight in him and you have a good plan for him. Lord, give him joy today in your presence and love for him and power in his life. Please keep blessing him and overflow in his life to be a blessing to others. In Jesus' name, amen.